The Circle of Control

Daniel Olstad • March 3, 2025

Control What You Can, Forget What You Can't!

Too often in soccer and in life, we get bogged down worrying about things we have no control over. We stress, get angry, and maybe even lose sleep over things that we can do nothing to change. Along with that, we often lose sight and forget about the things we can control. As a young coach, and more importantly, a young person, I often found myself in spirals of worrying about things both on and off the field that I couldn't change, control, or do anything about. I wanted players to be a certain way. I wanted parents to act according to my beliefs, and, for crying out loud, I wanted it to never, ever rain. The same way of interacting with the world on the soccer field also permeated my day-to-day life. I was stressed by this, that, and the other thing, most of which I had zero control over, and quite frankly, didn't affect my immediate life. Then, a few years ago, I was introduced to THE CIRCLE OF CONTROL during my USSF 'A' License course. Something so simple had a dramatic effect on my coaching and personal life.

If you aren't familiar with the Circle of Control, it is a way of prioritizing and visualizing what you have control over and what you do not, in an effort to decrease stress and focus energy in areas that you should be. There are different variations that include what you can control and what you can influence, but I simply break things down into two categories: WHAT IS IN MY CONTROL and WHAT IS NOT IN MY CONTROL.

In the example below, is my circle of control as a coach. It's really quite simple, and once I see what it is I can and can't control, it allows me to focus my energy and attention on the things I have 100% control over. Within the circle that I can't control, there are certain items, like our club president and executive director, that I can have some influence over with communication, but ultimately, they and their decisions regarding the club are out of my control.

Players have a circle of control as well, and when they step outside that circle, their performance on the field usually suffers. When players start worrying about things they believe affect their performance, like referees, they are focusing on external factors that don't deserve their attention. What they need to do is focus on the only thing they have 100% control over: themselves!

Below is an example of a player's circle of control. You may or may not be able to add other items.

As parents, we all get caught up in the emotional roller coaster of watching our kids on game day or the hustle and bustle of trying to get them to practice. We fret about cancellations, traffic, and those people in the yellow shirts with a whistle and flags helping to facilitate our children's experience. We too often get lost in thinking about and complaining about the things we have literally zero control over.

As parents, if you really think about it, you have almost no control over your child's soccer experience other than helping them on that journey. You may have influence, but do you really have any control? If you are trying to control it all, is that really healthy, or are you losing valuable time just enjoying watching your child do something they love?

Here is an example of what my circle of control looks like as a parent with two players. Yours may or may not be different, but I challenge you to come up with one for yourself and see what you really have control over.

The Circle of Control is something that changed my mindset and how I viewed things both on and off the field. I think it has made me a better and more effective coach, and hopefully a better husband, father, and person. I have really transformed into a person who focuses on the things I can control and looks to do them to the best of my ability. As players and parents, I believe formulating your own circle of control can have a big effect on what your priorities are during your time as a player or soccer parent.

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Q & A with Hollye Anne Brinkley

By Daniel Olstad • March 10, 2025

Hollye Anne Brinkley was centerback and captain of the River City FC 2007 girls before moving on to play for Saint Louis Scott Gallagher ECNL-RL. Hollye spent her time at RCFC (formerly Liverpool FC IA - St. Louis & Webster Groves United) from the age of 8 before moving on at 16. During her time at the club the 2007 girls were Missouri President's Cup champions and Midwest Regional participants, Missouri State Cup Finalists, and had top 5 ranking in Missouri via GotSoccer. Now a senior at Nerinx High School and committed to play soccer at Grinnell College next year, we asked Hollye about her experience at River City FC and how it helped shape her development as a player. What was your overall experience like at RCFC (LFC, WGU)? I had a really good overall experience. Even with all of the name switching and changes that were going on while I was at RC, I always felt like the coaches were still completely focused on making me the best soccer player I could be. With it being as small as it is, there was always a very tight-knit and caring culture. It was very personalized and I always really appreciated that. Growing up playing with River City helped me to improve so much as a soccer player but my confidence also skyrocketed during my time there. I really loved my teammates and my coaches, which made it hard to move on. How did the coaches at the club contribute to your development? Like I said, it was always very personalized. I started club soccer in 3rd or 4th grade and had a few different coaches during my time at RCFC, especially in my earlier years. But I came in not having a lot of technical skills and I wasn't very confident, and my coaches really met me where I was at. The focus was always on growth and improvement, not just on winning. I never got chewed out for making a mistake and every coach I had was so supportive which kept me loving soccer instead of getting burnt out. Were there any specific coaches who had a significant impact on you, and why? I was with Coach Daniel (Olstad) for most of my time at River City, probably about 5 years. His approach to coaching was so methodical. He had a reason and a purpose for everything. He really transformed my idea of soccer and helped me to understand it as a tactical and thoughtful game, rather than just kick and run. His dedication to our team was inspiring and pushed us to give our all. Were there specific areas of your game that the club helped you improve? I was with River City for my formative soccer years, so I honestly got better at everything during my time there. One specific example that comes to mind is learning to play the ball long and in the air. It took me a long time to figure out how to hit the ball just right to get it in the air and how to get it where I wanted it but because River City was such a safe place to experiment and make mistakes in practice (and sometimes in games!) I never felt like I was behind or failing at it and that really encouraged me to continue trying. How did the club's training help you develop your tactical understanding of the game? Like I said, Coach Daniel was a very methodical coach. Especially as we got older, we talked a lot about making the ball do the work and moving off the ball. During my time at River City, I really grasped that soccer is not a game that can be played with people standing around doing nothing. I learned that there was always something I could be doing to support my teammates and that lesson has served me very well. After RCFC, where did you go to play? I went to play with St. Louis Scott Gallagher ECNL-RL. What specific skills or attributes do you believe you developed at the club that helped you move to a higher level? I played a lot of different positions during my time at River City...my very first season I played forward and by my sophomore year of high school, I was firmly rooted as a centerback. However, even though my preferred position was on defense, I learned how to be versatile and play different positions. This flexibility allowed me to come into my high school team and my next club team as a player who was able to play a few different positions, not just centerback. It opened up different opportunities for me on different teams. I also believe that growing up in River City instilled in me the importance of recovering after making mistakes. It was never a big deal if you made a mistake, it was just important that you worked as hard as you could to make up for that mistake. How did the club prepare you for the increased demands of higher-level competition? Even though River City was a smaller club, Coach Daniel never shied away from pushing us to compete against higher level teams from larger clubs. We got a lot of opportunities to play really good, challenging teams and were better for it. He made sure that our team was consistently challenged and that we knew we could hold our own against the teams we were playing in our elite tournaments and league games. Because he was so confident in us challenging ourselves, that made us confident. Our team learned that we were just as good as the high level teams we were playing and because of this, I was able to go into new situations, like tryouts with tons of elite players, feeling confident that I was just as good as them, if not better. What was the most important lesson you learned at the club that you carry with you to this day? Coach Daniel used to say "Don't be sorry, be better". I always took that as a way of saying don't dwell on your mistakes, just make up for them and be better next time. I think the most important thing I learned at River City was to work as hard as I can to make up for my mistakes. Don't waste time saying sorry or feeling bad for yourself, just recover and fix it. I've brought that with me on every team I've been on and it applies outside of soccer too. It really changed my perspective. Looking back, what advice would you give to younger players who aspire to move to a higher level? This is much easier said than done, but just be confident in yourself. Trust in the work and time that you've put in and the skill that you have - they will show.

The Formula For Success

By Daniel Olstad • March 10, 2025

An equation for successful actions on the field.

There Is No Need To Yell

By Daniel Olstad • February 17, 2025

Throughout my coaching career, I've never been a yeller. While I might raise my voice occasionally to address the entire team, and, particularly in my early years, I sometimes lost my composure over questionable calls (a behavior I've since learned to manage), these instances were rare. One thing I don't do is yell at players. I've found it counterproductive, counterintuitive, and, frankly, it looks terrible to yell at a child playing a game. There are better and more productive ways to motivate that lead to better results in terms of long term development. Am I demanding? Absolutely. Do I have expectations? Yes. However, I've learned that providing players with clear, concise, and valuable information yields far greater long-term developmental success than yelling ever could. Game knowledge, the ability to deliver quality practices, and connecting with players on a personal level while genuinely caring about their well-being have earned me more respect from players over the years. Some parents have even asked why I don't yell more, with a few even requesting that I do so, believing their child responds well to it. I can explain precisely why I don't yell at players and why I believe it's wrong, especially in youth sports. Yelling at players to motivate them reveals a lack of intrinsic motivation. These players rely on external motivators to perform at their best, hindering long-term development. Yelling triggers the amygdala's fear response, impairing clear thinking and information processing. Even if a player responds after being yelled at, the motivation is primarily to avoid further reprimands, a fear-based reaction known in psychology as positive punishment (the addition of a negative stimulus). A more effective approach is demonstrating the correlation between choices and consequences. Instead of yelling, explain the benefits of desired actions. For example, instead of yelling at a player who fails to recover defensively, resulting in a goal, explain that failing to track their player will lead to more scoring opportunities for the opponent. Conversely, sprinting back will help prevent those chances. Consequences for consistently failing to meet expectations, such as reduced playing time, should also be clearly communicated. Accountability is best maintained through clearly defined standards and expectations. When these are established and understood by everyone, there's no need for yelling. Simply state the unmet expectation and the corresponding consequence. For example, "You were a distraction during practice when you should have been listening, so you will not start the next game." Leading by example is crucial. Even when frustrated, coaches should demonstrate emotional intelligence by calmly articulating their concerns. During challenging games, instead of yelling, focus on developing and communicating a plan to improve the situation, ensuring players understand the necessary adjustments and their rationale. Yelling is unacceptable in most professions. No parent would suggest yelling as a helpful strategy to a teacher, dentist, or doctor. Imagine a parent saying, "Screaming at Billy will really help his reading," or "Berating Sally will make her floss," or "Yelling at my child in front of everyone is the best way to get them to eat more fruit." Such scenarios highlight the absurdity of using yelling as a motivational tactic. While I strive for consistency, I'm not perfect, and there might be occasions when I raise my voice or even yell. However, I've learned that far more effective methods exist to maximize player performance, earn their respect, and guide their long-term development as both athletes and individuals. These include: Game Knowledge and Clear Communication: Effectively conveying the who, what, where, why, and when of teaching is essential. A Positive Learning Environment: Creating a space where players feel valued, respected, and challenged is paramount. Personal Connection: Taking a genuine interest in players' lives beyond the sport fosters a connection that translates to increased effort and respect on the field. Simple conversations about favorite foods or school can make a significant difference, regardless of the player's age. Understanding Child Development: Recognizing the specific needs of different age groups is crucial. For example, young children thrive on activity. Structuring practices that keep them engaged and moving minimizes boredom and behavioral issues. Positive Reinforcement: As my first coaching instructor emphasized, "Catch them being good!" Praising positive actions, even if the outcome isn't perfect, is scientifically proven to yield better long-term results than any other method. Praise a good pass, a well-taken shot (even if it misses), or a good decision (even if it results in a turnover). Address the technical errors separately. The use of positive reinforcement to shape behavior and desired actions was solidified by observing my wife's previous career as a marine mammal trainer. Trainers use positive reinforcement to shape animal behavior. Desired actions are rewarded, while undesired ones are simply ignored. This positive approach encourages the animals to perform behaviors willingly, knowing they'll be praised and rewarded. (Don't tell the kids, but I treat them a lot like my wife used to treat the sea lions and seals!) In conclusion, neither I nor any coach within our club will yell at your player. There are far more effective ways to encourage performance, learning, and development. Carlo Ancelotti, the current Real Madrid coach and the most successful coach in UEFA Champions League history (with five titles), provides a compelling example. In a recent book about his leadership, former players and staff consistently noted his calm demeanor, recounting only one or two instances of him yelling or expressing anger, and never on the field. If a coach of his caliber, working with players like Vinícius Júnior, Mbappé, and Bellingham, doesn't need to yell to achieve success, then I certainly don't need to yell to help your player develop and, most importantly, enjoy the game.